Thank you to our partners at Warren Township Youth & Family Services for providing this resource to Woodland Families.
Helping Children Cope with Traumatic Events and Sensitive Issues
Children often ask difficult questions about topics like death, illness, violence, abuse, or disasters. Adults—parents, teachers, and professionals—may struggle with how to respond, especially when they themselves are emotionally impacted.
Key Guidelines:
1. Talk Openly, Not Avoidantly
Avoiding difficult topics can heighten children's fears. Honest, age-appropriate conversations help children process emotions and feel supported.
2. Consider Age, Development, and Experience
Tailor discussions based on the child’s developmental level, personality, and past experiences with serious issues such as trauma, abuse, death, etc. While the age of the child is important when considering how to address a difficult topic, the child’s personality, how verbal they are, maturity, and interest in discussing sensitive issues are all important to take into consideration.
3. Keep the Language and Terms Clear and Simple
When talking about sensitive topics, tailor your language to your child’s age and developmental stage. Use simple, clear words and concrete examples for younger children, older children may benefit from more detail and critical thinking. Matching your communication to their comprehension level makes conversations more effective and meaningful.
4. Determine What They Already Know
Begin by asking a child about their awareness or knowledge of an issue, such as, “What have you heard about Mr/Ms______ or the _______ incident.” It can be surprising how little or how much they already know; along with how accurate or inaccurate the information is. Children often have misconceptions about sensitive topics due to misinformation from peers, media, or their own imaginations. It’s crucial to address these misconceptions and provide accurate, factual information. This helps prevent unnecessary fear and confusion and promotes a better understanding of the topic.
5. Be Emotionally Present and Attuned
Monitor the child’s emotions and reactions. Use open-ended questions to invite discussion and validate their feelings without judgment. If your child displays a strong emotional response, focus on soothing and reassuring them first. Once a child is dysregulated, it becomes challenging for them to hear or absorb anything else. It’s important to tell your children that will not be in trouble for anything they share. Sometimes a child may shut down because they were told to keep something secret. If you suspect this to be the case, tell your child that it’s not acceptable for an adult or anyone who is making them feel uncomfortable to keep secrets.
6. Manage Your Own Emotions
Children sense adult emotions. Share your feelings honestly but stay calm to model healthy coping. Children will often shut down and say everything is fine if they perceive the adult being overwhelmed or dysregulated.
7. Avoid Overloading with Details
Provide simple, honest explanations without unnecessary graphic or complex information. Particularly if the details can add to a child’s sense of vulnerability. We want to ensure that they understand the seriousness or gravity of a situation, without burdening them with images or information for which they have no control over.
8. Respect the Child’s Readiness
Let children lead the pace of the conversation. Don’t force them to talk about an issue if they are clearly overwhelmed— let them know you’re available when they are ready. It’s not uncommon for a child to reject the first offer to discuss a sensitive matter only to request a discussion later. While you don’t want to push the child into a difficult discussion if they are not ready, it’s good to explore the reasons why they may be uncomfortable. Children may fear a parent’s response, discomfort with the topic, saying something “stupid”, or feeling vulnerable and flooding with intense emotions.
9. Be Prepared for Difficult Questions
Children will often ask questions that are unexpected or more sophisticated than expected. Try to think of potential questions and how you would respond.
10. Create a Sense of Safety
Offer reassurance about their safety and the stability of their care. Point out protective systems (like police or plans) and be prepared to discuss boundaries and appropriate behavior. It’s important to be prepared to discuss safety issues, such as, telling them that no one has a right to take pictures or touch them without consent from a parent/guardian. We don’t want to scare children, but depending on the age we want to provide information on how they can best protect themselves.
11. Choose the Right Time and Place (A Safe Space)
Discuss serious topics in calm, private settings without distractions, not in passing or public places. Knowing your child’s preferences, have a discussion in a space where they will feel safe and free to express themselves, provide a comforting object for them to hold, or a something warm to drink.
12. Ongoing Support is Essential
Talking about sensitive topics with children shouldn't be a one-time conversation. Follow up regularly to check in on their feelings and address new questions. Ongoing support—through continued conversations, resources like books or counseling, and consistent emotional presence—helps children feel safe, supported, and more capable of coping with difficult issues over time.
13. Knowing When to Involve Professional Services
If you're unsure how to handle a sensitive topic or feel overwhelmed, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Counselors and therapists can offer expert, personalized guidance—especially for complex or traumatic issues like abuse or severe mental health concerns. Reaching out for help shows dedication to your child's emotional well-being.
If you have any questions about services provided by Warren Township Youth and Family Services, please visit our website at www.warrentownship.net/youthservices or call us at 847-244-1101 ext. *401.
A number of online articles were consulted in developing this parent guide.
Effective Strategies for Discussing Sensitive Topics with Children, Weence, June 4, 2024
How to Discuss Sensitive Topics with your Child, Mindtalk, December 14, 2024
Ways to Discuss Sensitive Topics with Kids, Happiest Health, October 6, 2022
Talking with Children About Difficult Subjects: Illness, Death, Violence, and Disaster, NYU Child Study Center, September, 2010